I don’t have anything to say, especially anything cheerful. Welcome to Monday. I don’t know why I’m here. I need to lie down. I need to close my eyes, except that I just got up.
Family came to visit yesterday and today, I’m tired, so very tired. What is the cost of staying too long? The next day.
Why can’t I think of something else? Every day, I wake up thinking of things to do and every day, I’m reminded that I can pick one thing to do if I haven’t overdone it the day before. Instead of cleaning and shopping for groceries and editing and taking a walk and painting, I can clean or shop or edit or walk or paint.
Shit, I’ve become an OR gate. I used to be an AND gate. You know, binary logic?
Do you know binary logic? An AND gate means that 1+1+1 = 1
Now, I’m 1+1+1 = …
Wait, I got that wrong. Logic is the first thing to go when I’m tired. It makes me rethink trying to edit my book today. I’ve tried to edit other days when I was tired and I made messes, lost work, did and undid and did and undid work.
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Okay, I’ve had some rest. It’s three days later, Thursday. How did it get to be Thursday? Now I realize that I’m not
1+1+1+1+1 = 5
but
1+1+1+1+1 = 1.
So, instead of needing to do five things and being able to get five things done, I need to do five things and get one done. I get to choose one. Instead of being math that your kids learned in elementary school, I’m a five input AND gate, sort of, because sometimes I’m
1+1+1+1+1 = 0.
Shit. I’m a five input AND gate with an intermittent connection. What do you call that?
Broken.
Thank you for listening, jules