Do you remember the cat, Blitz, that I wrote a book about and then didn’t finish that last edit? I called the book, Dirty and Afraid. I almost had an agent. I cried giving my elevator pitch for the book in front of a publisher without understanding the reason I cried. It was an ugly cry. There’s no recovery from ugly crying. And then, two months later, I woke up at 2:31 in the morning and knew exactly why this kitten and his fear meant so much to me. He was me. His fear was my fear. I rewrote it to add the part that was missing, but I didn’t finish that last edit before I got sick.
I want to update you about Blitz. He’s still afraid sometimes, like when people drop off packages outside, but he’s not so dirty anymore. He runs up the stairs with me in the morning. At about the third stair from the top, he falls over and throws his legs in the air. You need to understand, he’s like a baby seal, and almost exactly the width of the steps, so when he falls over, he inevitably starts to slide back down the stairs like silly putty and I have to do belly rubs and hold him in place at the same time.
Then, he walks circles on the kitchen floor and yells as I try to make coffee and toast. Me first, me first, me first, I’m hungryyyyyy.
But what I’m here to tell you is that he’s become the zoom therapy cat. How does he know that my kiddo is overwhelmed because school started too fast? At just the right moment, he jumps onto the quilt behind me and rolls over with his legs in the air. How does he know to make her laugh? I have earbuds in. He can’t hear her tone. Both cats have this kind of timing with my students.
Plus, I have had long days of headaches and chest pain. These two cats snuggle in, one on my lap and one on the pillow next to me so I can curl my arm around him. Sometimes, I fall asleep after or tutoring. When I start, I am sometimes on my own but I often wake up with a headache with both cats have cuddled in. Am I just a warming bed for them? Maybe, but Blitz will push his head into my cheek or my hand. He lets me endlessly play with the plush fur on his belly or the little pink pads on his feet. Sometimes, he spreads his toes for me. He only twitches his ears a little when I put my fingers into them. I pet him in my sleep.
It’s boring and lonely reclining on the couch so many hours, so many days, so many months at a time. But I am never alone.
Thank you for listening, jules