I’ll admit that it’s hard to look forward to a new year, hard to consider making resolutions, hard to anticipate trying anything new, when every tiny step of the last year was so heavy to make. I feel lonely that people don’t understand: I struggle to smile and to set aside pain when I’m with them. Later, in the silence, when I’m alone, I can admit I’m out of breath, how my chest aches, how I feel like a runner who vomits after giving her all, how my ears ring, how I need time to cry, and how my hands shake as I carry a cup of tea. It’s hard to anticipate the year ahead. I know how hard it’s going to be.
But here it is. I am making a resolution after all.
My resolution is to keep trying, no matter how challenging every day is, to stand upright, to keep trying to learn, and to keep taking one shuffling step after another even though every one is hard to take. I’m going to try to find the infinite within my limited life. I’m going to try to tell you what I see in what is small and what seems ordinary.
Welcome to 2022.
Thank you for listening, jules